Lonely
by Kaori Minamino
Summary: Well, this was a one-shot, but i got some reviews and decided to make this a collection of short stories. Regular pairings, and maybe some others. Warning, some are kinda sad. New poem.
1. Lonely

Hey. I own nothing. This is just a one-shot I thought of while I was down. I don't own anything. R&R.

**Lonely**

Hiei sat in his tree near Kurama's house. The only thing on his mind was her.

_Her._ Yukina, his sister. He didn't know why he was thinking about her now. Maybe it was because he was bored and had nothing else to think about. Perhaps it was because it was starting to snow and it reminded him of her.

Or perhaps it was because he finally admitted she was gone. His little sister was gone and he would never see her in this world again.

They had been happy. Yes, he had been happy. Hiei had just told Yukina that he was her brother, and so soon after she had died from and incurable Ningen disease. Then, all his happiness was gone with her.

_Incurable. _They could have tried to do something. Koenma could have tried, but he said it wasn't in his power. Kurama could have tried something. Genkai could have tried something.

Instead, they let her die.

But why did it have to be her? She hadn't done anything wrong. He was the thief. He was the murderer, yet she was taken away. Yukina was innocent.

And now he was alone.

He'd been alone before, with no one to care about him. But this time, it was different. This time, he wasn't just by himself.

This time, he felt lonely.

Hiei lay back on the tree and closed his eyes to try to get these thoughts out of his head. All he accomplished, however, was to see an image of her in his mind. The worst part of it was…

She was smiling.

How could she smile after leaving him? How could she always be smiling? No matter what, she smiled. She smiled when she was all alone. She was lonely without a brother, she told him. But she continued to smile.

She even smiled when she knew she would die.

How could she smile?

How could she cover the pain she was in?

How could she leave him?

"Hiei?"

Hiei opened his eyes to see Kurama. He was sitting on the same branch and was watching him, eyes full of concern.

"Hn," Hiei said, looking away.

"Are you ok?" Kurama asked. "I haven't seen you around lately."

Hiei continued to stare off.

"Hiei?"

"I'm fine," he snapped, hopping down and starting to walk away.

Kurama hopped out of the tree as well and walked next to Hiei. The two of them were silent for a while. Hiei didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. He just wanted things to be the way they were.

"You miss her, don't you, Hiei?" Kurama said softly.

Of course he missed her! He felt like everything and everyone was out to get him and destroy everything he loved and held dear.

But Hiei just walked on, pretending not to have heard what Kurama said. "What do you want?" he asked after a while.

"I want you to stop trying to hide your feelings. We all know you miss her, so stop trying to pretend it doesn't hurt."

Hiei came to a sudden halt. They were outside of The Park. It wasn't just any old park. It was Yukina's favorite place. It was where she would play with all of the little animals that inhabited the park. It was where Hiei had told her about their relation. It was where Hiei's happiness had begun.

And it was where Yukina had collapsed and fell into a coma.

It was where Hiei had gone after she died.

It was where Yusuke and Kurama had found him mourning Yukina's death.

And it is where all of his happiness had left him.

Kurama saw all of the pain in Hiei's eyes when he saw the park entrance. "I'm sorry, Hiei. I know it must be hard for you."

"I just want her to come back," Hiei whispered as tears started to fill his eyes.

"I know, Hiei," Kurama said sadly. "I do, too."

The two of them sat on a bench inside and listened to the sounds in the park. Neither of them said anything. After a while, they saw a little girl and a boy walk by.

"Hey!" a kid called, running up to them. "We're gonna go for a game, wanna come?"

"I can't," the boy said. "I have to take care of my little sister."

"See ya then," the boy said, walking the other way.

"You don't have to stay with me," the little girl said to him.

Her brother smiled at her. "You're my little sis," he said. "It's my job to make sure nothing happens to you."

Hiei watched as the boy and his sister left the park. _I should have taken care of her,_ he thought.

"It's not your fault," Kurama said to him.

"I know," Hiei said softly.

"It will all be alright. Don't worry about her. She could be watching us right now."

Hiei hadn't thought about that. Just because she was dead, didn't mean she was totally gone. And he'd probably see her again when the time came for him to die.

Hiei stared off at the trees and the plants and the children playing. "Hn," he said, causing Kurama to smile.

It wasn't the fact that he had a close friend that was there for him that made Hiei smile too. It wasn't the fact that he now had something other than his sister's death to think about. And it wasn't that he could now look forward to seeing her again.

For the first time since Yukina had died, Hiei wasn't alone. He was never alone.

And, best of all, he didn't feel lonely anymore.

THE END 


	2. That Emotion Called Love

So much for making this story a one-shot. _Lonely _is now going to be a collection of little stories about some emotions the YYH gang are gonna feel. Some are sad, some are funny, and some, like this, are gonna be…uh, …just emotions. Read and review, and thanks to the reviewers I already have!

**That Emotion Called Love**

Yusuke sat on his bed looking out his window. Everything was quiet for once. He took this time to do something that he never would have expected to do.

He thought about his life.

He started at when he first got hit by the car.

He hadn't planned on it, hadn't expected it, and, to this day, he still didn't know why he did it.

But it had happened. Yusuke Urameshi had dove in front of a car to save a little boy. He thought, 'Great, I'm dead. Now I'll make a lot of lives easier.'

Never had he been so wrong. Kayko, his mother, and his rival-turned-best friend, Kuwabara, had missed him dearly. So, he came back, taking on all the hassles of protecting the world as a spirit detective that were an added bonus.

It wasn't all bad, though. He made some great friends and allies, like Kurama, Hiei, Jin, Chuu, and others. He also got close to Lord Koenma and Botan, which he never thought would be possible.

_And Kayko._ His other thoughts stopped. Kayko. Something about her always nagging him and worrying made him think about their friendship.

She had always cared about him. No matter what he did or what he put her through, she was always there for him, and all she wanted was the same from him.

No presents for random days.

No constantly taking her out.

No quitting his never-ending job.

All she wanted was for him to be there for her to run to. No one had ever been like that before. But why? She had to have a reason, but a reason for what?

For caring?

For being there for him?

_For loving him?_

Yusuke was shocked. Where did that one come from? What was he thinking? Kayko didn't love him, he was sure of it. They always argued and she was too…too…

_Perfect?_

No, it was just his mind playing tricks on him. She couldn't love him; he was Yusuke and she was Kayko. Why would she love him? She was the smartest girl in their school, so why would she fall for him? There was no reason for her to.

But it would explain everything.

She was always asking him to tell her what kind of death defying mission Koenma was sending him on and cried each time.

She was there to cheer him on during the Dark Tournament.

She was more excited than words could describe when they defeated Sensui.

Everything seemed to make sense now. But how did he feel? Sure, he cared about Kayko; they were the closest of friends. If anything happened to her while he was away on a mission…

_Yusuke would die._

The feeling she gave him when he was around her had to be love. He argued with her so he could hear her voice. He made perverted comments to get her attention. He had told her about his detective secret so that she could be there to comfort him when he needed it.

Yusuke was in love with Kayko all this time and he hadn't even noticed it. The two of them were a perfect match and he let it go unnoticed.

And he had to tell her how he felt.

Without even thinking, Yusuke got up and crossed his room to the telephone. He picked up the receiver and dialed the number he knew by heart but hardly ever called. After a few rings, it was picked up.

"Hello?" the voice said on the other line.

"Hey, Kayko. You're the one I wanted to talk to," Yusuke said, getting nervous for the first time. "…Alright, I guess. How are you?… Great. I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today… Nah, I just wanted to talk to you about something… I'll pick you in ten… Bye."

Yusuke hung up the phone and gave a long sigh. Kayko seemed as shocked as he was that he wanted to hang out with her, but what could he say? He was in love.

And all he had to do now was confess his feelings to her.

That wouldn't be so bad. He would just come straight out and tell her, when the time was right, of course.

Yusuke got his shoes and headed for Kayko's. It was kind of funny. He just realized he was in love and it was already taking control of his life.

Who knew love was so crazy yet felt so good?

**The End **

**Or The Beginning **


	3. Don't Give Up

Warning-contains thoughts of suicide.

Chapter 3 Don't give up

"…To find the absolute value of an imaginary number, you use the equation..."

The math teacher droned on about more things no one in the class would ever dream of using in their lives. Kaori tried to pay attention, knowing a quiz was around the corner, but her mind continued to wander.

Kaori Kaze Tsukai, or Kaori Kaze as her friends liked to call her, was a student at Meiu Private Academy and was in the top classes. Three of her closest friends were in the room with her; Hiei Jaganshi, the goth; Kyome Urameshi, the punk; and Shuichi "Kurama" Minamino, the scholar.

With the exception of Kyo, whom she had met back when they were little and they still lived in Makai with Kaori's brother Jin, Kaori met them all as the Spirit Detectives. The other members, Yusuke Urameshi and Kazuma Kuwabara, were students at Sarayaski Junior High across town.

But now, instead of being on some cool mission, street fighting for the fun of it, or even spending some alone time with her true love, Shuichi, Kaori was sitting in class on the edge of sanity.

How she longed to get out of there. She hadn't seen her brother in forever, school was getting harder, and she felt like she was losing a grip on everything close by.

Kaori took a glance across the room while the teacher had his attention on the remainder theory on the board. Kyo was slouched in her chair looking like she was going to scream at any minute. Hiei was looking out the window and taking an occasional glance at his Kyo to be sure she wasn't about the slit the teacher's throat. He seemed amused by her suffering, which only ticked his already pissed girlfriend off more.

Kurama was the only one not sweating it. After all, this was his school first. He had been there a year before Hiei, and Kaori and Kyome only started that semester. Kaori could only make out half of his notes on his desk. The rest were underneath a sketch he was making.

It was of a rose, alone on a vine, but with other roses near enough to dance with it in a breeze. Kaori was surprised at the detail. Since they had only been in class for half an eternity, he had to have begun it at least two periods before.

And now, Kaori felt like that rose. She had a life and people close to her, but it all felt like she was only going through the motions. They were all getting farther and farther away, but still able to be seen. Even Kurama, the man she was in love with, seemed to be getting further away.

Kaori put her head on her desk and tried to get a hold of herself. This was the last period of the day. Afterwards, she could talk to Kurama and Kyo about how she felt. They had to be able to help her. If they couldn't…

"Is there anyone who doesn't understand?" the sensei asked the class, who obviously hadn't been paying attention.

"I have a question," Kyo said, raising her hand. "Who cares about the absolute value of a number that doesn't exist?" This caused some chuckles in the students. It was too obvious Kyo and Yusuke were brother and sister.

"Ahem," he said, regaining silence in the room. "The absolute value of the imaginary number is-"

"The distance it is from the origin," Kyo finished. "We know. You've been going on about it for hours now. But how will knowing how far the number is from zero help us raise a kid?" Once again, laughter filled the room.

"Miss Urameshi," the sensei said, trying to get back his control. Unfortunately for him, the bell rang and the class flooded out of the door.

Kyo stood up and yawned. "Well, that sure was pointless," she said.

"Tell us something we don't know," Hiei said, also standing. "No wonder Yusuke always cuts. I think he's smarter than he appears."

"Kaori? Are you alright?" Kurama asked her. During Kyo's moving speech, she had kept her head down, not moving or making a sound. Now she slowly lifted her head, her eyes meeting Kurama's concerned ones.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "Just a little tired, that's all."

"Well, you have all weekend to sleep, as long as you get up and get outta here," Kyo said as she and Hiei headed for the door. "Call me later."

"Ok," Kaori said, gathering her stuff.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Kurama asked her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You seem so down lately." The two of them were the only ones left in the class, since their sensei was in the hall attempting to lecture Kyo to an early grave.

Kaori gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about," she said. "If I have a crisis, you'll be the first to know."

That didn't gave him much more peace of mind.

_Kaori stood on the top of a bridge, looking over the city for the last time. "Don't do this!" Kurama's voice called from a few feet behind._

_Kaori turned and looked at him, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry, my love, but I can't do this anymore. I will always love you, no matter what."_

"_But I can't live without you!" he cried. "Please don't leave me, Kaori!"_

"_I'm sorry," she said, as she took the step off the side. _

"_KAORI!" Kurama screamed as Kaori fell through the air. She wasn't afraid or sad or angry. She felt at peace as she neared the ground below, but she was shocked as she saw another figure jump from the top of the bridge…_

Kaori woke up in the middle of the night, her heart racing. She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. This was the third time she had this dream, but she was at a different place each time. First, it was on the roof of the school. Then, at a cliff above a river just outside of town. One thing that never changed was the ending or the person screaming her name.

She could tell Kurama now. Thanks to Koenma, she was able to live with him in Ningenkai, since she had no human family. His room was only a few steps down the hall and she wouldn't wake his mother.

But to Kaori's surprise, she heard the click of the handle to her door. She closed her eyes instinctively, but as the door opened, she smelled Kurama's scent as he entered silently. The door soon closed as quietly as it had been opened.

Kaori listened intently, controlling her breathing so she appeared to be asleep. She couldn't hear Kurama's footsteps and only realized he was by her side when he sad on the edge of the bed. Silence followed.

Kaori slowly opened her eyes and looked at Kurama, who was in his pajama bottoms but had no shirt. He had been watching her "sleep" protectively, like he knew something was wrong.

"What are you doing here?" Kaori asked quietly. "It's three in the morning."

"I had a bad feeling that something happened to you and I couldn't go to sleep without making sure you were alright," he said, looking straight into her eyes.

Kaori sat up, her T-shirt hanging loosely off of her shoulder. "I'm ok, thanks," she lied again, fixing her sleeve. She didn't want Kurama to worry about her. If he knew what she had been thinking…

"No, you're not," he said, continuing to stare at her eyes. "Something is bothering you. I can see it in your eyes. And you've been drifting farther away from me. What's wrong?"

"…" Kaori looked away from him, trying to find some way to hold it all in and not let it all come rushing out. "Don't worry about it, ok? You…wouldn't understand."

Kurama put his hand on hers and held it tightly. "Kaori, I love you. There is nothing that you cannot tell me. I swear I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

Kaori fought the tears fighting to be let loose. She looked back at Kurama, and then she saw it. He had the same scared look in his eyes as in her dreams, just before she jumped. She started to cry silently next to him, not saying a word as to why.

_Kurama's pov _

Kaori began to cry. It was dark, and difficult to see, but I could smell the salt in her tears that where falling down her cheeks, dripping off her chin. She put her head on my shoulder and continued, the tears cold on my bare skin. "Kaori, please tell me what's wrong," I asked her.

"My life," she whispered into my neck. "My entire life."

Her answer came as a surprise to me. All this time, I had thought she had been happy living with us and going to school. Now, she was telling me it was destroying her. "Why?"

"Half the girls in school hate me for going out with you, and the other half hate me because my best friend goes out with Hiei," she began. "The teachers all expect me to be some kind of genius because we're dating and I did good on my entrance exams. All they do is pressure me into working harder and harder, until I have no time to do anything but study.

"I enjoyed fighting to release my stress, but Koenma hardly takes me and Kyo on missions because we have too close a bond with you guys. Because of that, I hardly ever get to see you outside of school, if you're even in this world. We haven't had a date or night alone in forever, and sometimes I wonder if…if we should even…" Tears choked off the rest of her sentence.

"Don't think like that," I said to her, gently stroking her hair. "I still love you, no matter how many times Koenma pulls me away from you."

"I haven't seen or heard from my brother in almost four months now, and I miss him," she continued. "Koenma won't allow me to go to Makai for another month during spring break so as not to 'draw unnecessary suspicion.' I feel like I'm being cut off from everyone.

"And I always hear about other people's problems. The three percent of girls at school who actually have boyfriends all ask me for advice because me and you are doing so well and because they're too scared to ask Kyo." I knew she was serious, so I held back my laugh. "And Kayko's been worried that Yusuke is being overworked because he's always tired, and Kuwabara needs help to express his love for Yukina, and Hiei tries to get me to give him bad advice so it won't work, and Botan thinks that Koenma may like Ayame instead of her even though he loves her, and-"

I placed my finger to her lips to stop her. "It's ok, Kaori," I said, in an attempt to soothe her. She pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, pain swelling into hers.

"But it's not! Everyone always asks things of me without any thought to how I feel or what I'd like or what I want! It's like I'm a slave to them, always giving and never receiving. Don't I have any other purpose than entertaining everyone so they can smile and feel better while I'm miserable! All that's happening is that their problems are getting added to mine. It's a wonder my dreams haven't come true yet!" The second she said that, she covered her mouth.

I had never seen her so worked up and emotional before. She was pouring everything in her heart out to me. Even things that she kept locked away were coming out, including the dreams.

"What dreams?" I asked her cautiously.

_Kaori's Pov _

"What dreams?" he asked me, as if he was afraid of the answer. I wish I hadn't slipped. I was alone, but I didn't want Kurama to worry himself to the point of being like me.

"I…I've been having…some dreams lately," I began, picking my words carefully and looking away.

"What happened in those dreams?"

"…" I didn't want him to ever find out. If my friends found I was suicidal ifI was even suicidal, they'd try to cushion me with a false love, waiting for me to snap. To me, that's even worse than not being loved at all.

"Please tell me, Kaori." I looked back into his emerald eyes and held his gaze. He seemed to be afraid, like he knew something terrible was going to come out of my mouth.

"In my dreams, …I…I killed myself. You were there and you tried to stop me. You were the only one who was there to save me." Kurama stared straight into my eyes as mine began to fill. "You were crying each time, saying you couldn't live without me. And when I jumped…so did you."

"Oh, Kaori," he began as I started sobbing. He took me into his arms and held me tight. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"

"I didn't want you to die, too. It wasn't fair."

"Honestly, I'd rather jump than be without you. You're my whole world."

At this, I pulled away and looked into his eyes. "Promise me you won't jump, Kurama," I said.

He was quiet for a long time. "I…can't. If you kill yourself…" he trailed off.

"But what about your mother and your stepfather and stepbrother and Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Hiei? You have a life. You can't end it because mine was miserable."

"I can't live without you, Kaori," he said, looking down. "They're my best friends, but you're my one true love. Without you, I'm nothing. Please, don't kill yourself. Whatever is wrong, I'll help you through it. Just please, don't commit suicide. It would destroy me." Kurama was on the brink of losing it himself.

I looked at him, tears forming in his eyes, and knew I couldn't leave him. "Ok, then. I'll keep going as long as you will."

He pulled me into a warm embrace, not letting me go for a while. When he did, it was to place a kiss on my lips. "I love you," I said as he rested his forehead on mine.

"And I love you, my sweet, sweet Kaori."

The End 

Ok, this was a pretty long one. I wrote this for anyone who thinks life is unbearable. Don't worry people. Just keep hanging on, there is a light at the end. In your reviews, please let me know if I should continue this as it's own story, or write an epilogue in this one for the next chapter.

Want to hear something positive? I SAW STAR WARS AND IT WAS AWESOME! And in case you think I'm rich, I don't own Star Wars. George Lucas, my hero, does, as well as LucasFilm and all related objects.

Please review my story, and i promise to make the next one happier.

end


	4. Fear

Ok, so I'm just on a writing craze. I wrote this...almost two years ago really, and I know it's not that good. But it fit my life and the situation, and it's even a happily ever after, which will be the next poem I attempt to write. Let me know what you think please? I appreciate it.

It's unrelated to Yu Yu Hakusho, just emotion. Please Read and Review anyway.

**Fear**

Inside me there's a hole,

A space, that I'm longing to fill.

I opened it once to someone I thought could fill it

And soon enough, it was only half empty

And started to look half full.

But then a leak sprung, and some cracks grew

And everything that had filled me inside

Came running out of the bottom.

Nothing was able to save one drop

Nothing to hold on to and stop the leak

Nothing at all but emptiness.

So I worked on that leak

And did my best with the cracks

I cried out to God to keep my heart from failing me.

And He gave me hope.

Something to hang on to

A promise that everything would be well again.

For a year I held hope with that empty space

And kept on smiling through it all,

_At the world that hurt so much_

_At the people who didn't know what I went through_

_At the one who caused me so much pain_

_And had no idea…_

And then came you.

So innocent, naïve, even ignorant of that pain

But you were afraid of it.

The fears you confided in me,

The fears I would never use against you.

I want you to never suffer as I have

I want you to never be alone through heartache

I want your heart to be full, complete

_Whole._

But you say the only way to fill your empty heart

Is to let you fill mine…

But that leak hasn't stopped dripping,

And that crack isn't fixed yet,

And all that you pour into my heart

Merely runs out the holes,

No matter how hard I try to hold on

No matter how much I want to hold on.

But you haven't stopped trying,

Trying to fill my aching heart.

And I want it to be full.

So we can both be full.

But my heart was broken once,

And the fear of hurting keeps the leak dripping.

And the fear of pain keeps the cracks from sealing.

And the fear of loving again keeps my heart from healing.

…_but I don't want to be afraid anymore…_


End file.
